Well THAT changes things, doesn't it?

Ever have a moment where EVERYTHING changes?  For me, life has been SUPER BUSY!  Which is amazing - new job working in the office of a small business, volunteering with COMPASS - a local military spouse mentoring program, the Family Readiness Group in the command, and of course my favoritest sport of all time: Roller Derby....

Admittedly, derby takes up the most time.  I LOVE the sport itself, it's challenging and requires athleticism and intellect and instinct.  The people who play are passionate and encouraging - it's an incredible environment that is empowering and terrifying all at once.

It is, however, a rather difficult sport and can be challenging.  We learn how to start, stop, fall, get up quick... also how to hip check and shoulder check, how to jump and weave and wobble and run on skates, and generally do crazy things on 8 wheels that most people don't do even in sneakers.  It's hard work and more rewarding than anything else I've ever done.

It's also a smudge dangerous.  "Full contact!  On skates!  You'll get hurt!"  I do get hurt - regularly.  I admit it.  Bruises, tweaked muscles, soreness from flying around the track and purposely running into someone else.  We learn how to do things in a controlled manner though - so sure, derby is dangerous. Yanno, like walking can be dangerous when you aren't really focused on what you're doing.

One Thursday's practice, a moment of inattention lead to this:

Well THAT changes things, doesn't it?

Which doesn't look so bad, just a fractured fibula, but my ankle also wound up broken and now, a consult with an orthopedic specialist and an operation later, I am the proud possessor of a Bionic Ankle/Leg/Thing.

I can no longer be accused of having a few screws loose!  I am a few screws EXTRA!  Go me!  I don't have copies of the X-rays yet, post-op, my follow up appointment is Friday.... but life is different now.  It's... odd.

I can't drive, can't walk, and ridiculously stupid things like having to pee take on a whole new significance.  Intellectually, I knew that would be an issue if I got hurt playing derby (as I've seen several friends dealing with said challenges) but it's like knowing that authors struggle when they write novels.  Of course artists struggle to perfect their craft.  Of course having limited access to one of your limbs is hard.

I also, delightfully, know this is temporary.  And I know I can still do my job, contribute to COMPASS, work with the Family Readiness Group, and do MANY things Derbylicious..... but it's weird to see my teammates skate around the track.  Feeling the breeze as skaters speed by you is incredible - and it makes my heart ache.

That said, I'm not going to vanish into the ether - I still want to help my team in any way I can (and make sure they know I'm coming back, baby - save me a spot on the roster!).  It's an opportunity to reassess my priorities and ensure that when I go back through bootcamp, I work on the basics and have a second chance lots of skaters don't get - starting a derby adventure and being aware of what's really needed and why.

Here's to hoping that "taking a break" gives me a chance to strengthen our league, improve myself and my fitness level, all while maintaining some sanity.  After all, my skates will still be there in a few months, patiently waiting... right?

.... too bad I seem to be so impatient!

Dear Leg and Ankle,

Heal faster!

Love,
The rest of me!

Event Horizon

While Wiki may not be an academically sound source, for this particular purpose, it suits -

In general relativity, an event horizon is a boundary in spacetime beyond which events cannot affect an outside observer. In layman's terms it is defined as "the point of no return" i.e. the point at which the gravitational pull becomes so great as to make escape impossible.

To twist the meaning of Event Horizon a bit, as we Merkins* tend to do, the inevitable upcoming deployment is my Event Horizon. I mean, I know it's going to happen. I know it's going to happen soon, but for the first time in Jase's Naval career, I'm kind of... outside of it. It's coming - we're at the point of no return and there's no escaping it, but I don't feel particularly affected by it just yet. I'm not excited or horrified or disturbed or amused. It's just sorta there? That big thing that's going to happen sooner rather than later.

I'm not ignoring it - we've had the car serviced, Jase has updated his will and double checked his life insurance info to ensure it's all correct, we've made "plans" about who to call in case they have to deliver a notification of death, we've notified friends in the area that they're emergency contacts regarding pets or kids, we've set up a couple of Powers of Attorney so I can renew the plates on the car and register the kiddo for the youth center on base if needed and all that jazz. (isn't predeployment FUN? Such an affirmation of long life and joyous memories...)

My parentals, posing in front of some form of the P3. I think. *nods uncertainly

We've started talking to Small Thing about what a deployment is and what it means, because this will be the first one where she actually has an appreciation of the passage of time. The last time Jase deployed, the kiddo was four. Interestingly enough, April is also the Month of the Military Child so there are some extra things out and about for us to take advantage of and give her that extra special bit of "My daddy's a SAILOR and that's cool!" which we find helps to offset the "My daddy's a sailor and the NAVY keeps him away from our home!" NASWI (Naval Air Station Whidbey Island) has a FOCUS group, which is an acronym that I don't have memorized yet, but it helps families cope with the craziness of life during deployment. We've taken the first steps to getting Small Thing involved with that, so hopefully she'll have additional resources besides li'l ol' me and a few of her friends. Hey - kids need a good support system too, right? Right.

So yeah, we're dealing with the necessities of deployment, but really....... I'm usually a bit muchier? about the whole thing. Much more nervous about being on my own, more upset about the idea of "losing" six months of birthdays, holidays, memories..... More of a shutterbug, more into planning a few weekend excursions before D-Day (Deployment Day), more into writing notes to slip into his packout, more into laughing while threatening to send ultra cheesy care packages, more into making lists and checking them 5,284 times to make sure he has an alarm clock and nail clippers and three towels because two always get lost somehow and and and.....

Dad 'n' Jase, peering at an A-6, precursor to the EA-6B. I think.
*more uncertain nodding

And this time, well, this time it's just... different. Jase isn't heading into the wild unknown, stuck on a floating city made of steel with limited resources available. Last deployment he worked with EA-6B Prowlers and he was bouncing between being night check supervisor and being in charge of the entire work center. It was stressy and busy and high tension and he was damned good at it.

This time things are different. The aircraft he's working on now doesn't go anywhere near carriers. He's in the P-3 community and they deploy to air bases instead of to ships. The US Navy is a fantabulously versatile thing, eh? One would think that planes on an air base would be under the jurisdiction of the Air Force, but apparently not so much, akshually.

Those who remember the last time we were on sea duty (three years ago!) will know I generally don't talk about exact movement times or locations unless it's been publicly released by the command, and even then I tend to be a bit less than enthusiastic about sharing a whole lot. I like mah privacy, but I also like to be able to grumble or brag or help someone else who might need something to relate to in this crazy Navy life.

So yeah, deployment is coming. There it is - looming. And I find myself oddly ambivalent.

Gosh I hope that's the right word. (been one of those days)

In other news I've had to take a step back from Derby - the practice schedule doesn't quite line up with what I'm comfortable with for my kiddo. I missed a couple of Fresh Meat practices due to events a smidge beyond my control, and then the realization that the 7-10pm twice a week schedule is a great workout, but I get a bit stressy with being away from Jay at night (dumb, but true). So I'll still be skating - fairly religiously actually - and working on skills I need for Derby, I'm stepping back a bit from doing TOO much with the league until I feel like I can really commit to it. Aaaand until I can avoid going mental over leaving my kid with a sitter half the night.

Regardless of how it works out, I still hope to support the league in any way I can and possibly attend partial practices, without being a full league member. I've been talking with the officers and hopefully we can work something out. If not? There's always next time. I'm only going to get more comfortable on skates - so waiting sucks, but it's not crushing to me right now. Which, also, kind of tells me something. If I wanted it THAT badly, nothing would stand in my way - but when it feels like Derby is interrupting family time..... well, the Navy interrupts family enough, one of my hobbies doesn't necessarily need to do it too, yanno? (insert guilt factor ... HERE!)

Small Thing is pretty stoked about possible skating lessons - so that's another thing that I'm looking forward to: skating with her. Maybe we'll wind up in a place, eventually, that has a Derby Brats league and the wee one can wind up teaching her mom a thing or three about derby, eh?

Still - I love the bouts, love reading about the sport and learning more about it. I love how involved it is! On the surface, derby is just girls skating in an oval, bumping into each other and yelling a lot. When you look a little closer, you see how much skill is needed, not just to stay upright on your skates, but to realize what's happening around you and put the right strategies in play to help score points.

Me. In derby gear.
Yeah yeah.
You wish you were so fierce, eh?

Whidbey Island Roller Girls had a bout a couple weeks ago.... it was their first with Tough Love from the Bellingham Roller Betties. And yanno - Tough Love was right. I think the score was something like 314-24. The league learned a LOT though and came away with more knowledge and an idea of how to improve - Derby's like that. Lots of self taught lessons because so many areas only have upstart teams with limited talent pools and limited population. Bellingham is a HUGE city, with four teams of their own, all with their own staff from coaches to managers. Whidbey Island Roller Girls have their own team members juggling a LOT of responsibilities - I'm amazed of what these ladies have accomplished and how much time and effort they put into Derby.

It's one thing to mentally know that a sport is going to be a time sink. It's another to truly realize how much of your time is going to go into doing All Things Derby. And while I want that - a lot! - I want my kid to feel secure and happy first. When she's a smidge older, my tune will be a bit different too. ;o)

I guess Derby is a bit of an Event Horizon too - it's inevitable. I enjoy it. It scares the hell out of me, but it pushes my boundaries and I wind up doing things I never, ever thought I could do (jump over things on skates? fall down on purpose ... and occasionally on accident .. and laugh my ass off in the process? learn how to use my weight and leverage against other people? let a sassy smile spread as I say,"I like to be whipped..."). It's going to happen. I've found it and it's going to be a part of my life - no going back, baby.

Small Thing's report card came this week - another one of those unavoidable things. She's doing fairly well overall. She's bright and inquisitive and I think she's a teensy bit bored in school. She has issues with patience, blurting out answers, and assuming that the rules don't necessarily apply to her. This all sounds VERY familiar so I have issues correcting her. *sheepish grin Perhaps lessons in the art of Sucking Up should come into play soon? Academically though, her math and science knowledge/abilities place her as a 4th grade student, halfway through the year and her reading level is comparable to that of a 7th grader who has almost completed the term. She's eight.

Part of me wants to just swell with pride. A bigger part of me things that my kiddo is pretty average - logically and emotionally speaking she puts things together quickly, she likes to read, she's inquisitive, and she doesn't always take things at face value. I think these factors kinda put her above and beyond a lot of the TV-Raised kiddos in her age group. As far as her academic abilities though, I don't really see what she's capable of as something... extraordinary. To me, it feels more like the education system has adapted to the lowest common denominator, so things that were once average now seem Stellar and Wondrous.

Regardless? I am thoroughly pleased with my kiddo's performance in school. She's not a perfect student, and for that I am truly thankful. I think American public schools would like to produce cute little followers rather than forward thinking leaders, so if she has a few issues with authority and following rules, I'm totally cool with that.

Someone please remind me of that statement when she's a tween/teen, ok? Ok.

Oh! Other kickass news - my parents adopted a new jack russell! His name is Cody and he's a sweetie. I can't waaait to meet him this summer! We're heading out to visit the family (finally - an opportunity to vacation while in the States. Jeeeeez!) and pick up Vegas. I'm interested to see how Vegas and Jack get along, yanno?

Also, the bestest news by far, my Dad seems to have kicked cancer's ass and while he may never have the same vocal abilities, he'll be around for at least a few (dozen) more years.

I am so effin' relieved, I cannot tell you.......

Though I did have to laugh when Daddy found out I was working towards becoming a member of a Derby league. "Why the hell would you wanna do that? You're too competitive. Just.... *sigh* Don't lose your focus. You could get too into the moment and HURT someone!!!"

Geez, Dad. Who knew I was so ferocious??? :oP

SO! That's it for me, well, other than a few political rants which I could probably do without posting in THIS entry. *winks*

How are YOU doin?!?!??

* - not the pubic wig version of a Merkin. I didn't know pubic wigs were- ok, I didn't know that pubic wigs even existed much less were called Merkins. I learned something new today and am disturbed by the number of parallels one could draw between some American stereotypes and pubic wigs.......